Tales Of The Abyss Rangers
by Awinnerwasyou
Summary: Inspired by the Abyss Ranger costumes you can get in the game. What if Luke and his group were a proper Super Sentai team? It probably wouldn't be anything like this extremely silly spoof of both Tales Of The Abyss and Super Sentai shows!
1. Episode 1 Part 1

**Hi, and welcome to my first fanfic on this site! This is a parody of Tales Of The Abyss, inspired by the Abyss Ranger outfits featured in the game. Shortly after seeing them for the first time, I wondered what it would be like if Luke and his friends were an actual Super Sentai team. And thus, the randomness that is Tales Of the Abyss Rangers was born. As this is a spoof, this shouldn't be taken seriously at all, and there's a LOT of silliness going on here, especially later on. There will also be a few cameos in some episodes- some from other Tales games, others from some less expected games or anime shows. **

**One last thing- I'll be doing each episode in two parts, so each update to this fanfic will be half an episode. **

**So, please read and review this story. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Tales Of The Abyss.**

Episode 1- The Obligatory Origin Story (Part 1)

Morning had just broken into the town of Baticul, and so the birds were naturally starting to be out and about. One particular bird flew onto it's favourite perch- an open window in the Fabre Manor. Standing comfortably, it started to sing it's beautiful song. Like most birds, it enjoyed singing, especially at this particular spot. The bird carried on singing, completely absorbed in it. So much so, in fact, that if it had paid attention, it would have noticed the sword that was flying toward it (Sheathed, I hasten to add!). The sword struck the bird on the chest, and both fell out of the window.

"S-shuuuuut up…. Stupid Bird…."

A young man with short red hair got out of his bed, still somewhat sleepy. His name was Luke Fon Fabre, son of Duke Fabre of the kingdom of Lanvalder Kimlasca. Seven years ago, he was kidnapped by the Malkuth empire, for reasons that weren't entirely clear to this day. Since he was rescued, Luke had no memories of the first ten years of his life. Standing up, Luke groaned.

"Man, what a pain. That dumb bird wakes me up every single day…."

Still a little groggy, Luke walked over to his bedroom door and opened it. He was hungry, so he obviously wanted to go to the dining room to get some breakfast.

"Good morning, young master."

At the door was Luke's butler, Sebastian. (Yes, I know Luke doesn't have a butler named Sebastian in the game, but this isn't the game, it's a parody. So there.) Not being particularly alert, especially first thing in the morning, Sebastian's sudden appearance shocked Luke a little.

"GAAAAHHH!"

Alright, maybe it shocked him a lot. Enough to make him faint in any case… As Luke began to recover, he started to hear voices. He was going crazy. No, sorry, someone was talking in front of him. My mistake.

"No offence, but did you have to wait by his door like that? You know he isn't that alert first thing in the morning."

"Yes, I do apologise, but I happen to have some exciting news for the young master."

Finally waking up, Luke saw Sebastian talking to a man with spiky blond hair. He was Guy Cecil, another of Luke's servants, and also his best friend.

"Yeah, but that's still- " Guy was cut off when he saw Luke getting up.

"Oh, you're finally up! You OK?"

"Oh…. Hey Guy. What's going on?" said Luke, still a little dazed.

"You fainted. You really need to be more alert in the mornings, you know that?"

"It was Sebastian's fault! He startled me!"

"My apologies, young master, but I have- " Sebastian started to talk, but he then noticed Luke's hair.

"I just noticed, have you cut your hair?"

"Oh yeah, it wasn't like that yesterday. You look good." said Guy. He wasn't kidding- Until yesterday, Luke's hair was long, even a little spiky. Now it was short and… not spiky.

"Uh… yeah." replied Luke. "Everyone told me I look too much like a girl with long hair, so I cut it. So anyway, you were saying, Sebastian?" Luke was keen to get to the point.

"Oh yes, where are my manners? I wanted to tell you that Dorian General Grants is here." said Sebastian. Luke's eyes lit up.

"R-really? Master Van's here?"

"Yup." said Guy. "It's weird though. I thought he gave you your lesson yesterday. Why's he here tod- "

Guy suddenly noticed that all that was left of Luke was a Luke shaped cloud, which quickly disappeared. He had run off.

"Luke? Luke?"

"How typical." Said Sebastian. "Mention that man to the master and he's off like a shot."

"He really respects Van, doesn't he?" said Guy. "I don't blame him. He feels closer to Van than he does his own father."

…...

The dining room. Where much dining was taking place. What a shock! Luke's parents were enjoying breakfast with his cousin, Natalia LK Lanvalder, and Van Grants, Luke's teacher.

"Natalia, could you pass me some syrup for my pancakes please?" Asked the Duke.

"Of course!" replied Natalia. She turned away for a brief second to pick up the syrup, and turned back to see Luke sitting next to her, wolfing down a bowl of cereal. Having finished his breakfast in about… oooo, 1.5 milliseconds, he slumped down on his chair and gave out a massive belch.

"Luke! Manners!" scolded Luke's mother, Susanne.

"Sorry." said Luke, belching again. "Thank you."

Natalia stared at Luke disapprovingly.

"What an idiot…." she said under her breath.

It was only at this point when Luke actually noticed Natalia was here.

"Oh, hi Natalia. You here to see Master Van too?"

"I can not come to see you every once in a while? We are engaged to be married, after all…."

"Don't remind me." Said Luke. He really didn't like the thought of being engaged to his own cousin, especially since she could be a little… awkward…. Luke immediately turned to Van.

"But anyway, what brings you here, Master Van?"

"Well," said the Dorian General. "I'm here to give some bad news. I afraid I will be leaving for Daath very soon…"

"No way! Did something come up?" said Luke, who was rather upset by this news.

"I'm afraid so." Said Duke Fabre. "As you may know, Van is a member of the Oracle Knights, part of the Order Of Lorelei."

"I knew that. He's their commander." said Luke.

"CommanDANT, Luke." his father corrected.

"Same difference. But what does this have to do with Master Van going away?"

"Well, it's somewhat complicated." said Van. "Long story short, the strongest of the Oracle Knights, the God Generals, have gone out of control. They seem to be attacking various cities around the world, and no one knows why. So I've been giving the task of finding out what they are up to."

Luke felt really disappointed by all this.

"B-but who's gonna train me while you're gone? Guy's cool and all, but he can't teach me anything!"

Van smiled.

"Relax, Luke. We'll spend the rest of the day training to make up for it. And I'll be back soon, so you'll get back into your routine quickly enough."

"Awesome!" said Luke, feeling a lot better. "Can we go now, father? ?"

"Fine." said Duke Fabre. "We were finished here anyway, so you can go now."

"Training, hmmm?" thought Natalia. "I must see this….."

…...

Luke and Van stood opposite one another in the garden, about to begin training. Natalia had also came along to watch, as had Guy. Though he was keeping his distance from the princess.

"It is nice to see you Guy. Why don't you come a little closer?"

"I'd….. rather not." Guy whimpered slightly.

"Still scared of me, mmmm?"

"It's not you, honest, I'm just- WAAHHH!" Guy's words were cut off when Natalia touched his shoulder. Guy didn't seem to like women very much…

"I don't mind you two watching, but could you at least behave yourselves? You will only end up distracting us both." Van called out. He was obviously getting impatient at Natalia's antics.

"Sorry." came the reply. Natalia moved away from the still shaking Guy.

"Very good. Now Luke, draw your sword! You DO have your sword, right?"

Luke looked at Van with a strange look on his face.

"Uh… Now that I think about it…. I kinda…. threw it at that bird that's always waking me up in the morning. I think it went out the window…."

Van could only sigh.

"You know that sword was an heirloom from your father's brother's cousin's nephew's cleaner, right? Oh well, never mind. There's more than one way to skin a cat. I will teach you a new form of combat. A form known as Martial Artes!"

Luke looked interested.

"Martial Artes, huh? Sounds good. What do I do?"

Van put away his sword and raised his fists.

"First, put up your fists like this."

Natalia and Guy watched as Van taught the basics of Martial Artes to Luke. Amazingly, Luke quickly got the hang of it. Several hours passed…

"You've done well, Luke. Better than I expected. But now you must learn the most important factor of Martial Artes- self defence!"

"Huh? I thought it was about kicking and punching…." said Luke. Clueless as ever…. Van sighed again.

"You still have a lot to learn. Let's use this training dummy. It should still have that fonic arte that brings it to life."

Van used an incantation on the nearby training dummy, bringing it to life.

"Now Luke, the dummy will try to attack you. You must anticipate it's attacks, avoid them, and counter."

"No problem!" said Luke, cracking his knuckles. "Alright, bring it- "

Before Luke could finish, the dummy started punching him repeatedly in the face.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Hey! Ow! Cut that out! Ow! Ow! Down Mokujin, down! Ow!

Van, Guy and Natalia watched the whole sorry scene. And Van sighed yet again.

"It's going to be a long day…"

Suddenly, a mysterious voice called out.

"No it won't! Your day ends right here!"

"That was a little bold, wasn't it, Natalia?" said Guy, still keeping his distance from Natalia.

"Huh? I didn't say that!" Natalia replied.

"Maybe you should look up there…" Said Van, pointing to the roof of the manor.

Everyone- including Luke, who was still being pummelled by the training dummy- looked up to the roof and saw a woman wearing a black dress. She jumped from her perch, landing in front of Guy.

"Meeeeep!" Guy whimpered out. He was shaking again….

"Relax. I'm not here to kill you. It's Van I'm after." said the woman.

"Oh, don't mind Guy- ow! He's just- ow!- scared of women- ow!- is all." said Luke, trying to talk in between the many punches to his face.

"I see. My apologies. Now, Van, prepare to die!"

The woman pulled out a short dagger.

"I suppose it was only a matter of time before you showed up…" said Van.

"Wait, do you know this woman, Van?" asked Natalia, before she finally realised something different about Luke, and it wasn't the bruises…

"Oh. Has Luke cut his hair?"

The woman ran toward Van and tried to strike, but he dodged at the last minute. Luke watched and became concerned for his teacher.

"Ow! Master Van's in- Ow!- trouble! Ow! I have to- Ow!- do something! Ow! But first- Ow!- I've got to get this wooden freak- Ow!- off me!"

And with that, Luke decided to counter the dummy's attacks in the most graceful manner possible. But he just kicked it in the crotch instead. Not so graceful. The dummy collapsed, crutching it's groin in pain. Finally free of his wooden assailant, Luke rushed towards the woman and grabbed her.

"Oh no you don't! Leave Master Van alone!"

"Ngggh! Let go!"

As Luke continued to hold onto the woman, they both started to glow. The woman quickly realised what this was.

"What? You can use the Seventh Fonon too?"

"Guh?" came Luke's sensible answer.

The glowing suddenly became even brighter, until both Luke and the mysterious woman vanished into thin air. Everyone looked at the spot where the two were just standing.

"Uh oh." said Guy. "This is bad."

"I know!" said Natalia. "That poor training dummy looks so badly hurt. We must help it!"

Epic fail, Natalia…..

…...

Luke and his new "friend" materialised in some woods. They both picked themselves up from the ground and looked around. They probably weren't in Kansas anymore…

"Ouch! What the hell happened? Where is everyone? And who put all these trees here?" Asked Luke, as politely as he could. In other words, rudely.

"You idiot! What have you done?"

"Excuse me? I stopped you from killing Master Van, that's what! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm somewhere were I don't know where I am, so I'm going home!"

Luke started to walk off.

"Do you even know how to get home?"

Luke stopped. This is all very exciting, isn't it?

"Ah- uh… Yes?"

The woman folded her arms and closed her eyes.

"Figures. You've clearly never been out of your mansion, have you?"

"Of course I have! Just not for seven years. And I can't remember anything before then. But what was that just now? That thing that teleported us to this weird place?"

"That was the Seventh Fonon, of course. It seems we can both use it. It must have caused some kind of reaction when you grabbed me. That's why we teleported here."

Luke just looked confused. No difference there, then.

"Okay…. What's a Seventh Fonon? What's a Fonon full stop?"

The woman groaned.

"If you don't know anything about Fonons, then you should play the video game "Tales Of The Abyss". It will tell you everything you need to know."

"But I don't have a games console…."

"Then you can always watch the walkthroughs on YouTube. In any case, we should get going."

"We? Why are we travelling together, all of a sudden?"

"You think you can get out of here on your own?"

"Um… Maybe…"

"My point exactly. Since we both have to put up with one another, we should at least know each other's names. My name is Tear. Tear Grants."

"Fine. I'm Luke Fon Fabre. Hold on a second- Grants? That name sounds familiar. Wasn't that the name of the pelle- palen- pollen- dinosaur expert guy in Jurassic Park?"

"You're an idiot."

…...

Finally! I can actually say something now! *cough.* And so, Luke and Tear went on their merry- or not so merry- way, trying to find their way out of the woods. They spent some time talking, and Luke discovered a startling fact about Tear.

"Oh, so you're Master Van's sister?" OK, so maybe Luke wasn't THAT startled about it…. "He never mentioned you. No wonder you tried to kill him."

"It's nothing to do with that. It's actually more to do with- "

"Ewww! I just stepped in something!"

Tear's words were interrupted by Luke's shouting. He raised to shoe to see what he trod on. It was a small brown creature with long ears. Though it was bigger than Luke's shoe- quite how it was still attached to said shoe, I'll never know….

"Oh! It's a Cheagle!" said Tear, her eyes lighting up at the sight of the creature.

"What's a Cheagle?" asked Luke. Tear wasn't listening. She was too busy spacing out at the creature's cuteness.

"It's so cute…"

"I need a better description than that!"

At that point, Luke turned around to see that the area was full of Cheagles, all of them focusing on another Cheagle that was a different colour to them.

"What the hell? They're everywhere!"

"Of course we are everywhere." Said one of the Cheagles. "This is the Cheagle Woods- our home!"

Luke was taken aback somewhat at the Cheagle's words.

"You guys can talk?"

"No. I can only talk because of the sorcerer's ring around my waist." said the Cheagle, pointing to the ring it was wearing. "It lets me talk the human language."

"Isn't that kind of pointless?"

The Cheagle turned it's back away from Luke.

"I honestly wish I could I could spend more time talking to you, but we are in the middle of an important meeting right now." it said, pointing to the blue Cheagle.

"Because of little Mieu here, much of the forest has burned down, and it is of poor consequence that the part that was destroyed was Liger territory. Now, they are stealing our food, even eating our kind…."

Luke was very concerned by the Cheagle's plight.

"Blahblahblah, sounds terrible. C'mon Tear, we have to get going."

Suddenly, a roar could be heard in the distance.

"No… not now!" Said the talking Cheagle.

A large group of Ligers walked into the area and started growling at the Cheagles, and at Luke and Tear.

"Oh boy." Said Luke. "Come on Tear, let's make a break for it!"

Tear wasn't listening. She was in some sort of trance. Don't you just hate when that happens?

"Sooooo cuuuuute…."

"Damn, what's her problem?"

The Ligers surrounded everyone. Not good….

TO BE CONTINUED!


	2. Episode 1 Part 2

**Hope you enjoyed that first half of episode 1. Now, here's the second half, where Jade and Anise make their first appearances, as well as the God Generals. **

**Not much else to say about this really, except please read and review.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Tales Of The Abyss.**

"TEAR! SNAP OUT OF IT! WE'RE IN TROUBLE HERE!"

Luke shouted into the megaphone as loudly as he could, but Tear still wasn't snapping out of the funk. He had tried everything- drums, cymbals, alarm clocks, gongs, bagpipes and even those trumpet things that seem to have become popular ever since the World Cup. But she was still spacing out over the Cheagles. Not the best situation when being surrounded by Ligers. They were already chasing after the Cheagles- or, from their point of view, lunch, while another group were surrounding Luke and Tear.

"So cute…." Tear continued her trance like state.

"Grrrr, what's it gonna take?" Luke continued to get annoyed by the increasingly desperate situation.

"Roar." The Ligers continued to close in on our heroes, choosing not to attack for whatever reason.

"Great." thought Luke. "Now I gotta get these things away from us…."

Luke looked down to see a Cheagle wandering around, seemingly unaware of the chaos that was going on around it. (Probably blind if you ask me, but you didn't, so…..) Luke quickly picked up the hapless creature and waved it in front of the Ligers, their eyes following it as he did so.

"Hey!" he shouted, whistling. "It's this little guy you're after, right? You want him? Sure you do. You want him? Go get him!"

Luke threw the Cheagle deep into the forest. The Ligers looked in it's direction for a few moments, then decided they couldn't be bothered to chase after it and pounce on Luke instead, mauling him. It really wasn't his day.

"Owowowowowowow! This SO isn't my day!"

See? What did I tell you? But just when things seemed at it's bleakest (Or most painful, I forget which….), the blue Cheagle appeared and launched itself at the Ligers attacking Luke. It was a surprisingly powerful attack, as it knocked them all flying! Now free of the monster's constant mauling, Luke dusted himself down and looked at his tiny saviour.

"Mieu mieu?" the creature asked.

"You saved me…" said Luke. "Uh…. Mieu, wasn't it?"

"Mieu! Mieumieumieu!"

"Uh huh. You're going to be a real pain in the butt, aren't you?" It was almost as if Luke felt this little guy would be travelling with him in the future.

"Mieu?" said the creature, tilting it's head to the side. By now, the Ligers had recovered and were now dashing towards Luke and Mieu. Luke looked at them, knowing he'd have to fight them now.

"Okay Luke," he thought to himself. "You can do this. Just remember everything Master Van taught you…"

The Ligers pounced, but Luke jumped into the air and pulled off an impressive roundhouse kick. Jackie Chan would have been proud. Maybe.

"Awesome! Did I do that?" asked Luke, understandably pleased with himself.

"Mieu mieu!" said Mieu.

"Quiet Thing!" Luke snapped back, now getting considerably annoyed at Mieu. Not that there was much time for insults now, as more Ligers were attacking. Luke fended them off as best he could, using more of the moves Van taught him. But there were too many of them, and Luke began to get tired. Bet he can't wait until he becomes an Abyss Ranger!

"Damn it…. This looks bad. I can't fight this many…"

"TURBULENCE!"

An unfamiliar voice sounded, followed by an enormous and powerful gust of wind. Luke shielded his eyes from the blast as the Ligers were all blown away from him. Luke lowered his arm and saw a mysterious looking man with long hair. He was also wearing glasses and what looked like an important uniform.

"How disappointing." The man said. "I was hoping that Arte wouldn't wipe the whole lot out…."

As he adjusted his glasses, another Liger appeared and pounced on him. But before it was able to land on him, a giant doll dropped down from the trees and landed on it. Luke looked at the big yellow doll and shuddered at how creepy it was. It WAS pretty damn creepy…. On it's back was a young girl, not that much older than 12 or 13. She was wearing a pink uniform, while her brown hair was tied in pigtails. The man turned to her.

"Could I advise you not to cut it so close next time, Anise?" he said. So that was the girl's name.

"Sorry, Colonel, I kinda got distracted by these things!" The girl replied.

"No matter. I believe we have them on the run anyway."

Even more Ligers attacked, but the man just smirked at them. Suddenly, he made a spear appear out of thin air and twirled it, knocking down several of the beasts at once. The remaining Ligers pounced, but he defeated them just as easily. What a powerhouse!

"Who….. IS this guy?" Said Luke, amazed at what he saw. What was left of the Liger hoard could now see that they stood no chance against this newcomer, and they all ran away. Everyone was safe! Hooray!

"That'll teach 'em!" said Anise. "And don't come back!" As the Ligers left, Tear snapped out of her trance.

"H-huh? Did I miss anything?" she asked.

"Thanks for joining us…." snarled Luke, who was pretty angry that Tear had only snapped out of it now. I mean, seriously, why didn't she do that when everyone was in trouble? Luke looked around and saw the mysterious man having a chat with the talking Cheagle. In the meantime, Anise was playing with Mieu, as I suppose most young girls would do….

"I see. So young Mieu here tried to practice his fire breathing and burned down the Liger's territory by accident. In any case, they shouldn't come back now." said the man.

"Yes, thank you for your help." said the Cheagle.

"Hey! I helped too!" said Luke.

"Yes, but only a little bit." Said the man, rather cuttingly. "Still, you're lucky to be alive. Ligers are very fierce."

"I didn't ask for your opinion…" said an understandably narked Luke. Tear approached the two.

"If I may ask, what's an officer from Malkuth doing in a place like this?" she asked.

"Huh? This guy's from Malkuth?" Said Luke.

"Indeed I am." answered the man. "Anise and I came here to investigate the Liger attacks. You see, Cheagles are sacred animals, and we simply can't have them being attacked like this."

"Well, it looks like the problem has been solved now." said Tear. The talking Cheagle begged to differ.

"Not quite. We still have to punish Mieu for his role in this whole mess." Mieu's ears drooped in a sad way after hearing this. Tear nearly tranced out again seeing this, but Luke stopped her with a single "Don't you dare!"

"Aww, but he didn't mean to burn the forest down…." said Anise.

"I know, but that still doesn't excuse the damage that was caused. So, Mieu, I hereby banish you from these woods for one cycle of the seasons." said the Cheagle. "Further more," it continued, pointing to Luke, "you will spend that cycle in the service of this man here."

Luke looked aghast.

"What? Why me? Why not Mr. Happy over here?" he said, pointing to the man.

"I don't know," he replied, "he does seem to be more attached to you than me."

"Shut up…."

"One more thing." Said the Cheagle. " I will give my ring to you, Mieu, so you can communicate with your new master. Farewell."

The Cheagle removed it's ring and placed it around Mieu's waist.

"Okay! I can talk now! I'll do my best for you, Master!" said Mieu. Luke was instantly annoyed by Mieu's high pitched voice.

"Geez, as if you weren't annoying enough already…." he groaned. Tear slapped him.

"Luke, be nice to him!" she yelled. "But in any case, we should get going now."

"Yes, I couldn't agree more. Said the man. "I'll lead."

"Wait, since when were we going with you?" Shouted Luke.

"Unlike you, Anise and I actually know how to get out of these woods." replied the man, calmly. "So, shall we be off?"

Begrudgingly, Luke set off with Tear and his new companions. After much wandering (and an unfortunate incident with a bird that Luke made everyone promise never to talk about again), they finally reached the exit.

"'Bout time we got out of here." said Luke.

"You're welcome." said the man, smiling.

"Yes, thank you for your help." said Tear. "But we still don't know who you are."

"Oh yes, how rude of me not to introduce ourselves." said the man. "I am Colonel Jade Curtiss, Third Division, Malkuth Imperial Forces. But you can just call me Jade. This here is Fon Master Guardian Anise Tatlin….."

"Hi!" said Anise, just as a group of Malkuth soldiers arrived on the scene.

"And these are the soldiers who will be arresting you." said Jade. "Have a nice day!" Jade and Anise walked off, looking somewhat smug.

"Huh? Hey, wai-" Luke started, but he was cut off when all but one of the soldiers started to beat him up in a comical manner. The remaining soldier put handcuffs over Tear's arms.

...

"Luke…. I know you've been through a lot today, and I'm sorry you got caught up in all of this…."

Tear was trying to make conversation with Luke, but he was giving her the silent treatment. They were currently in one of the jail cells on board the mobile fortress known as the Tartarus. Luke was just sitting there, arms folded, and his eyes in slits. He really wasn't happy. At all. Nonetheless, Tear continued.

"But…. I have to admit, you handled yourself quite well out there. For someone who hasn't been out of his mansion for so long, you do have a keen survival instinct."

Luke kept silent, but Tear didn't let that get her down. She spoke again.

"Can you…. forgive me for putting you through this? I honestly never intended to involve in all of this, and for that, I am truly sorry."

Luke still wouldn't say anything. Without changing his expression, he slowly raised his arms, extended both his index fingers, and put them in his ears. Tear sighed.

"Does Master hate you?" asked Mieu.

"I guess so. I don't blame him, either…"

Just then, the cell door opened, and Anise was waiting on the other side.

"Okay! The Colonel will see you now!" she giggled.

We now change the scene to an interrogation room where Jade was sitting down. Anise sat Luke, Tear and Mieu down opposite him.

"Good evening." greeted the Colonel. "I trust you are finding your cells adequate?"

"I suppose so." said Tear.

"Good. Now, perhaps we should start with your explanation on what a noble from Kimlasca is doing in Malkuth territory?"

"We teleported." snapped Luke. "Something to do with a Seventh Fonon, according to her. There, you happy?"

Jade thought for a moment.

"Hmmm. A Hyperresonance, from the sound of it. I trust you can both use the Seventh Fonon then, yes?"

"Yes, we can." said Tear. "Though I must ask- how do you know Luke is a noble? He never said anything about that…"

"Well, there have been reports that the son of Duke Fabre went missing earlier today. They say he was last seen with a woman who matches your description, Miss Grants. And yes, I do happen to know that you are Dorian General Grant's sister. Still, teleportation or not, you are still trespassing on Malkuth territory…"

"Trespassing is a really serious crime, you know!" said Anise, following Jade's words.

"So, I suppose you're going to torture us, or something…." said Luke.

"Nonsense." said Jade. The Malkuth Empire doesn't resort to such revolting methods. We will simply sacrifice you both to the great god Imhothep…." Luke and Tear looked uneasy upon hearing this. Jade smirked.

"No, I'm just kidding. We're not at all like that."

"That's a relief." said Tear. "So what do you intend to do with us?"

"Oh, you'll see, once we reach the Imperial City…" said Jade, chuckling.

"Okay, this guy is really starting to creep me out now…" said Luke.

Suddenly, the Tartarus began to shake. Just when things were starting to get interesting too!

"W-what was that?" asked Tear.

"It seems we're under attack." said Jade. Really? No kidding, Sherlock! A Malkuth soldier opened the door to the room, looking panicked.

"Colonel Curtiss! The Tartarus has been hit by a high impact attack! We have reason to believe it was caused by a dragon!"

"A dragon?" Asked Anise? " But how- unless…"

"Yes." said Jade. It does rather sound like it's being controlled by Arietta."

"Who?" asked Luke, being Mr. Clueless again.

"Arietta The Wild." said Jade. "One of the six God Generals." God Generals…. That sounded familiar to Luke.

"Hey, those are the guys Master Van said have been attacking random cities! They're here?"

"It would appear so." Jade replied. But what do they want here, exactly?"

"We can worry about that later." said Tear. "We should try to stop them first!"

"I couldn't agree more." said Jade.

"Okay. Let's kick their butts!" said Luke, totally pumped up.

"The attack earlier blasted a hole through the side of the Tartarus." said the soldier. "Chances are they're trying to get in through there."

"Alright. Thank you." said Jade. The group headed in the direction of the hole. (Despite not actually being told the exact location of the hole…. I'll just say that Jade is psychic…)

"Mieu! Wait for me!" called Mieu. Yes, I had almost forgotten about him!

The group made their way to the hole, and were immediately confronted by a huge green dragon.

"Whoa! Can we actually beat this thing?" said a rather surprised Luke.

"I don't think it's here to fight, exactly." said Tear. "More like…. drop someone off."

"You're sharp. But still not as sharp as I taught you to be!" said a female voice. A blond haired woman jumped down from the dragon. She was dressed in black and carrying a pair of handguns. Tear immediately knew who she was.

"Major Legretta…I should have known…." said Tear.

"After everything I taught you, you still turn your back on us?" said Legretta, pointing one of her guns at Tear. Luke was, as usual, confused.

"What's she talking about, Tear?" he asked, but before Tear could answer, A big, deep voice called out.

"Are we going to talk all day, or are we actually going to capture the Tartarus as planned?"

A very large man dropped down, carrying a huge scythe. He was joined by a young green haired boy wearing a mask.

"I suppose not, Largo." said Legretta, talking to the big man. "You're right, we do have a mission to complete. Are you ready, Sync?"

"Of course." Said the boy, striking a battle pose. This is Sync, in case Luke hadn't figured it out already… Suddenly, another voice rang out.

"Stop! Stop stop stop! I haven't felt my wonderful presence felt yet!"

"Oh dear, not him…" groaned Jade. It seemed like he knew that voice…. A camp looking man wearing glasses descended into the area in a floating chair.

"No, Dist, we weren't going to start without you." sighed Sync. "Aren't you going to come down too, Arietta?"

A young girl with pink hair dropped down as well, clutching a doll. It had to be Arietta.

"Yes, of course." she said. "But Asch isn't here yet."

"We can start without him." said Largo.

"So, these are the God Generals…" said Luke, looking at the five warriors.

"Indeed." said Jade. "Legretta The Quick, Sync The Tempest, Dist The Reaper-"

"ROSE!" shouted Dist. "It's ROSE!"

"Sorry." said Jade. "Dist The Runny, Arietta The Wild and Largo The Other One."

"Why do they always forget my name?" groaned Largo.

"The one who's missing is Asch The Bloody." said Anise. "He's a really nasty piece of work!"

"And you drecks will see that first hand!" came a familiar, yet kind of angry sounding voice. Turning around, the group could see a man with his back turned to them. He had long red hair, and was dressed in black, but that was all they could see of him.

"So that's Asch…." said Luke. "But if he thinks he's gonna wipe the floor with us, he's got another thing coming!" Luke rushed towards Asch and tried to attack, but Asch dodged at the last minute.

"Pathetic." said Asch. "If that's the best you have, then you can die right here!"

Luke turned around and saw Asch's face for the first time. And it was a familiar one. Cue dramatic music!

"Hey…." said Luke. "Where have I see that face before? Ummm…. I can't seem to put my finger on it…"

"Oh, for the love of…." moaned Asch.

"Um, in case you haven't realised, Luke- he looks just like you." said Tear.

"Huh?" said Luke, taking a better look at Asch. "H-hey, you're right. He DOES look just like me! How…."

"I'll spell it out to you, dreck." said Asch. "My name used to be Luke Fon Fabre. But then you came and took all that away from me- Replica!"

Luke paused for a moment. Then he realised what Asch said.

"WHAAAATTTTTT?"

And on that bombshell, it's time to end this episode. Is Luke really a Replica? Why are the God Generals trying to capture the Tartarus? Can our heroes stop them? Will Mieu get more screen time? And how many more times will Luke be punched, kicked, mauled, scratched and generally set on fire throughout this series? Find out the answers to some of these questions in the next exciting episode of Dragonba- Um, I mean, Tales Of The Abyss Rangers!


	3. Episode 2 Part 1

**Sorry I haven't updated this in a while, but I've been pretty busy working on my other fanfic, Battle Against fate. But I've now finished work on the first half of episode 2, so here it is, ready for your enjoyment. This part does seem to focus on plot more than anything, but the humour's still there… I hope… Now, I know there hasn't been any Abyss Ranger action at all in this fanfic, but I think you only need to read the last sentence in this part to see that will change very soon! Hopefully, part 2 of episode 2 won't take nearly as long to do as this did!**

**As ever, please read and review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Tales Of The Abyss.**

Episode 2- The Obligatory Origin Episode (Part 2)

In the last episode of Tales Of The Abyss Rangers, a lot of stuff happened. And now it's time for episode 2.

We begin where we left off, with Luke, Tear, Guy, Jade, Anise and Natalia cornered in the Tartarus by the six God Generals.

"I'll spell it out to you, Dreck. My name was once Luke Fon Fabre. But then you came and took all that away from me- Replica!" Asch shouted to Luke.

"Okay, okay, I heard you the first time…" said Luke, completely unaware of the fact that most second parts in a two-parter repeat the last line said in the previous episode. Luke really needed to watch more TV.

"That's impossible! Luke can't be a replica!" said Guy, ever quick to rush to his friend's defence.

"Yes. I do not know who you are, but you have a lot of nerve to say such terrible things about Luke!" said Natalia, not quite so quick to rush to her fiancé's defence, but thanks anyway. Luke had a feeling something was different in this scene, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. Ah! That was it! Luke's shoelaces were untied! Having sorted those out, Luke stood up again and blinked a few times. Then he turned towards Guy and Natalia and did a double take.

"Uh… Guy? Natalia? When did you two show up?" Luke asked, finally remembering that neither Guy or Natalia were there at the end of the last episode. Can you say "clueless"?

"In between episodes." came Guy's short and honest reply.

"Oh. Okay. So… Where were we?"

"The whole replica business." said Tear.

"Right. That." said Luke. "I can't get my head around this. How's it even possible?"

"I'm afraid there may be some truth in that." said Jade, with his hand on his glasses. "You see, there exists a technique known as Fomicry. It enables one to create a perfect replica of any living creature, humans included. However, one side effect of the process leaves the replica without any memories prior to it's creation. Luke, I understand you can't remember anything prior to your kidnapping ten years ago, yes?"

"That's right." said Luke. Then it hit him. Metaphorically, of course.

"So wait- you mean-"

"Yes. The very reason you can't remember anything is because you have nothing _to _remember."

"So… I really am just a replica…"

"Yes. Yes you are. I believe the term is _tough break._"

"And to think, it was you who originally came up with the theory of Fomicry, Colonel Curtiss…"

A new voice rang through the area. A voice Luke knew rather well… Everyone turned their heads to see a lone figure walking towards them. It was Van!

"I've heard many rumours about you, Colonel." he continued. "All the destruction you've caused, how your obsession with trying to fix your mistakes merely ended up creating new ones. It is little wonder they call you "Jade The Necromancer"!"

"Jade The Necromancer…" Jade mused. "That's a name I haven't heard since this morning…"

Before this tense moment could get anymore so, Luke just had to butt in.

"Master Van! You came for me!"

"Yes, Luke." said Van. "I've been worried about you since you teleported away back in Baticul, and I've been searching for you ever since." Awww, you gotta love happy reunions like that. But then Dist opened his big mouth.

"Hey! You never said anything about showing up to help us, Van! You said we were supposed to capture the Tartarus without you!"

"Be quiet, you idiot!" Legretta shouted. "They're not supposed to know that yet!"

Wow. That's a lot of exclamation marks. For once, even Luke was quick to pick up on what Dist just said…

"M-master? What are they talking about? You couldn't possibly be fighting alongside these guys- right?"

Van sighed.

"No, I am not fighting alongside them, Luke." he said, unsheathing his sword and pointing it at Luke and his companions. " I am leading them. The cat, as they say, is out of the bag."

Le gasp!

"You're kidding me! But- why?" Said Luke, a little shell shocked that the man he respected more than anyone would be the main villain in this story.

"I'm not really in the mood to give a proper explanation right now." said Van. "All I will say is that I intend to destroy this world and replace it with a replica world."

"And… The point of that is?" said Guy.

"Come now, you don't seriously expect me to give away all the plot details right now, do you? This is only the second episode!" came Van's reply.

"So what's all that got to do with capturing the Tartarus?" asked Anise.

"The reason the God Generals attacked all those cities was so we could gain the components to make the fontech we need to achieve our goal." said Van. "We simply need the Tartarus to speed up our objective."

"Oh, that's all?" said Jade. "Then I'm afraid we're even less likely to give it to you."

"You do realise that you are all in over your heads, don't you?" Said Van. "You do not stand a chance against all of us!"

"We'll see about that…" said Luke, getting ready for a fight.

Everyone squared each other up. Obviously, Luke was going to fight Asch, while Jade decided to fight Dist. Tear chose to fight Legretta, and Anise went for Arietta. That just left Guy and Natalia to choose between Sync and Largo.

"Hmmm." said Guy. "Who do you want to fight, Natalia?"

"A difficult choice." replied Natalia. "But I think I shall fight- Sync!"

Largo seemed a little put out by Natalia's decision. It was almost like, in some strange alternate universe, Natalia was supposed to be his main enemy. Don't know where he got that idea from…

"Hey! You're supposed to be MY rival, Princess!" he said.

"Well, you've got me instead," said Guy. "So bring it on!"

And so, the fight began. However, apart from Jade, who wasn't doing much, apart from listening to Dist's constant gloating, our heroes found themselves struggling somewhat. Let's see what Tear and Legretta are up to… Well, it looked like Legretta had put away her guns and started fighting hand to hand against Tear, who was also fighting with her fists. Unfortunately, no matter how many blows Tear tried to land, Legretta simply dodged them all. They don't call her Legretta The Quick for nothing, you know!

"You're far too slow, Tear! Have you forgotten everything I taught you?" said Legretta. (Wow, she's going on a lot about teaching Tear, huh? Maybe a later episode will put some more light on this. Or maybe not.)

Tear didn't answer. Instead, she tried to make another attack on Legretta. And it failed miserably. She dodged again, then counterattacked with a high kick that sent Tear down on the floor. So, it's not going well for her, then.

Time to move on to Anise Vs. Arietta. Anise had already made her trusty puppet, Tokunaga, grow to a much bigger size, and she was on it's back, ready for action.

"Are you still using that thing?" said Arietta, still clutching her doll. "Then this will be easy!"

"Shut up!" said Anise. "What do you have that could possibly beat me, Gloomietta?"

Just then, the dragon from earlier swooped down and landed, roaring menacingly at Anise.

"Oh. Right. That." No sooner had Anise spoken, the dragon started chasing her and Tokunaga, breathing fire at them.

"Gah! Get away from me I mean it! I catch fire easily!"

So, it's God Generals two, Luke's team nil. Let's see if Guy and Natalia can fare better against Largo and Sync. Well, Sync's speed was a little too much for Natalia, and she was much too easily overwhelmed. Sync ultimately rushed her, knocking her down. Guy soon followed suit- Largo was simply too strong for him, especially with that scythe… Both our fallen heroes tried to get up again.

"Still trying to get up, huh?" said the giant. "Don't even bother." Largo struck his scythe on the ground, creating a shockwave that knocked Guy and Natalia back down, this time on top of each other. No, not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter, seriously!

"AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!" said Guy, calmly. "!"

"Sorry…" Said Natalia. Sync and Largo were less than impressed.

"What a pair of clowns." Said Sync. "We should finish them off right now."

"Good idea." nodded Largo.

It's really not going very well, is it? Perhaps Luke can do bett- oh, who am I kidding, he's doomed… But still, let's see just how badly he's going to lose…

Luke fought Asch using the Martial Artes skills Van taught him, but he was quick to discover that Asch knew exactly the same moves.

"So Master Van taught you too, huh?" said Luke.

"Of course he did. But you are just a copy. You could never hope to beat the original!" Asch boasted, while preparing his combat stance again.

"Try me." Luke performed a roundhouse kick, but Asch dodged it, leaving Luke wide open. A chance Asch didn't miss. He quickly performed a low sweeping kick, which knocked Luke down. Before he could get up, Asch unsheathed his sword and pointed it at his chest, preventing him from getting up…

"As I thought. You truly are a worthless replica! There is no place for you in this world… Die!"

Well, we all knew that was coming. Maybe we should see how Jade's doing against Dist.

Not much was going on there, really. All Dist did was going on and on about how superior he was to Jade, how he was going to wipe the floor with him, how amazing and wonderful he was, yadda yadda yadda.

"Why not just give up now, Jade?" Dist continued. "You know you can never beat-"

Dist suddenly realised he was talking to thin air- Jade was gone!

"What? How dare you run away from me? Show yourself!"

"Oh? Whoever said I ran away?" came a voice from behind him. It was Jade, who was now removing a panel from Dist's chair and examining the wiring inside.

"Hmm, rather impressive workmanship. I dare say you've done a fine job with this little toy of yours." said Jade. "But I wonder what would happen if I did… this?"

"NOOOOO! DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Shouted Dist, as Jade pulled out the wiring from the panel. No sooner had he done that, Dist's chair went out of control. Flying across the room, with Dist holding on for dear life, the chair soon hit Arietta, dragging her along for the ride, too. It wasn't long before Legretta was scooped up by the chair either, while both Sync and Largo were also hit- right before they could finish off Guy and Natalia. Making one final stop to "pick up" Arietta's dragon, the chair then hurtled towards Asch, knocking him onto the floor and saving Luke's life.

"You idiots! What are you doing?" shouted Van. While all this madness was going on, Jade ran to Anise and whispered something in her ear. She nodded, reverted Tokunaga to it's original size, and ran off. In the meantime, the rest of the group got back on their feet.

"That won't keep them for long." said Jade. "We have to escape!"

"But what about the Tartarus?" asked Tear.

"It's alright, everything is under control." replied Jade, opening up an escape hatch. "Through here, quickly! Kaitzur is close to this area, so we should hide there for now."

"Where's Anise?" asked Luke.

"I gave her a little task to do. Don't worry, she'll be fine. She'll meet up with us later."

The group decided that now might be a good time to go through the hatch. They'd just have to trust Jade's judgement for now. As they made their escape, the God Generals were still stuck on Dist's out of control chair, and it was making another pass at Asch. But as it did so, Asch stuck out his sword and split the chair in two, thus freeing his associates- and the dragon- from their little ordeal. The chaos had finally ended…

"My chair! My beautiful chair!" cried Dist, mourning over the remains of his favourite invention. "Grrr! Jade will pay for this! This is going in my revenge journal!"

"No matter." said Van. "The Tartarus is ours now. But we can't let Luke and his group get away. Find them!"

"Yes sir!" shouted Legretta. She, Van and the other God Generals left Dist in mourning, and went to the control room.

…...

Luke and his companions quickly reached the border town of Kaitzur, where Jade directed them to a secret bunker. Here, they regrouped with Anise, who was waiting for them.

"We should be safe in this bunker, at least for now." said Jade, closing the bunker door.

"So, what is this place, anyway?" asked Natalia.

"This bunker was designed for situations just like this one." explained Jade. "It's a good place for regrouping and discussing new tactics if things are going badly in battle. There's also emergency supplies here, if they are needed."

"I see…" said Guy. "But won't Van find us quickly? He has the Tartarus now, after all."

"Not to worry." said Jade. "I've arranged for a little diversion to keep them occupied while we discuss our next move…"

We now move to a grassy area just outside of the town, where Dist is mocking a set of cardboard cut-outs resembling Luke, Tear, Guy, Jade, Anise, Natalia and Mieu. They were pretty flimsy, and only a complete idiot would be fooled by them…

"MUHAHAHAHAHA! We finally caught you!" said that idiot. "I bet you're awfully terrified, aren't you? Wonderful! You seem to be paralysed with fear! What do you have to say about that? What's wrong? Are you so afraid you can't even talk?"

The cut-out of Mieu toppled over.

"That's right, tremble at my superior beauty and intellect! MUHAHAHAHA!"

Van, Asch and Legretta watched the scene in utter disbelief.

"So… how long before he realises those are just cardboard cut-outs?" said Legretta.

"It may be some time." said Van. "This is Dist we're talking about…"

All Asch could mutter was "Stupid Dreck…".

Back at the bunker, Luke was still in a state of shock.

"I still can't believe Master Van would do something like this." he said, turning to Tear. "You knew about this all along, didn't you? Is that why you tried to kill him?"

"Yes. I don't know what Van's trying to accomplish, but I do know he has to be stopped. But I don't know what to do right now…" Tear replied.

"I guess we need to get the Tartarus back. But that means fighting the God Generals again." said Luke, in an unusually wise mood. Don't worry, it won't last.

"Yeah, there's no way we can beat them as we are now…" said Guy.

"Not as we are now, no." said Jade. "However, there may be a way we can become powerful enough to win."

"Spend hours level grinding?" said Luke. Told you it wouldn't last.

"Not at all. Bear with me a moment…" said Jade, moving towards a cupboard and searching it.

"Now, let's see… No… No… Not there…" he mused, before touching something very sticky and slimy.

"No, that certainly isn't it…"

Everyone was curious about what Jade was looking for.

"Do you have any idea what he's looking for, Anise?" asked Natalia.

"Beats me. I've never been in this bunker before." Anise replied. Just then, the group heard a triumphant shout from Jade.

"Aha! Here we are!" Jade removed a small box out of the cupboard and brought it over to the others.

"So… What's that?" asked Luke.

"Perhaps I should explain." said Jade. "A few years ago, I worked on a top secret project with His Majesty Emperor Peony the Ninth. We were trying to find a way to use fonons to increase the strength of the human body. We finally managed a breakthrough, but we had so few resources, that we agreed that we should only use this in times of dire emergency. And this more than qualifies as a time of dire emergency…"

Jade opened the box. Inside where six objects that looked like silver mobile phones.

"These, ladies and gentlemen," said the colonel, "Are your Abyss Ranger Fononisers…"

TO BE CONTINUED!


End file.
